For the Strong “I’m Fine” Ones: Healing the Family Ache with EMDR
For the Strong “I’m Fine” Ones: Healing the Family Ache & Rebuilding Self-Trust with EMDR
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re one of the strong ones.
You’re the friend everyone goes to. The partner who holds everything together. The adult who can manage schedules, crises, deadlines, and still show up seeming calm and capable.
And yet a single text from a parent can throw off your whole day.
You might leave a family visit feeling small, guilty, or strangely “wrong,” even if nothing dramatic happened. You replay conversations, wonder if you overreacted, and end up more confused than when you started.
On the outside? You’re doing “fine.”
On the inside? Your chest is tight, your stomach drops, your mind won’t stop.
This is who I had in mind when I built my practice:
🌊 High-functioning adults who became the strong “I’m fine” one in their family — and are tired of feeling 10 years old in adult clothes.
What It Means to Be the “Strong ‘I’m Fine’ One”
Growing up, you may have learned early that your job was to be okay.
Maybe you:
Read every room and adjusted yourself to keep the peace
Took care of a parent’s emotions, siblings, or household tasks
Became the “mature one,” the helper, the fixer, the listener
Hid your own feelings so you wouldn’t be “too much” or cause more stress
You might have had a parent who was:
Emotionally unpredictable, anxious, or reactive
Depressed, checked out, or overwhelmed
Sick, struggling with addiction, or focused on their own pain
Critical, controlling, or only warm when you were performing well
So you adapted. You tightened up. You did well in school, you were “easy,” you helped out. You became the reliable one.
That strength was a survival skill. It helped you navigate a family system that didn’t feel consistently safe.
The hard part?
Your nervous system doesn’t automatically update just because you’ve grown up.
Why Family Still Hits So Hard (Even Now)
Today, life might look pretty good on paper:
You have a career, a home, relationships, kids, or a full, busy life
You’ve been in therapy before and done a lot of insight work
You can explain your childhood and your patterns very clearly
And yet:
A parent’s tone of voice can make your stomach drop
Visiting home leaves you feeling foggy, drained, or shut down
Setting even a small boundary sends you into guilt, panic, or overthinking
Your partner says, “Just tell them no,” and it feels impossible
This isn’t because you’re weak or “too sensitive.”
It’s because your nervous system learned: Family can be emotionally risky. I have to stay on guard.
That old learning sits in your body:
Tight chest
Pressure in your throat
Restless energy
Numbness or shutdown
Headaches, stomach issues, insomnia
You might tell yourself, “It wasn’t that bad” or “Other people had it worse,” but your body keeps voting that something wasn’t right.
The Hidden Wound: Self-Trust
One of the deepest injuries in complicated family systems is a slow erosion of self-trust.
You may notice:
Second-guessing almost every decision
Apologizing even when you haven’t done anything wrong
Checking other people’s reactions to decide if your feelings are valid
Feeling “dramatic” for being hurt, confused, or angry
Knowing what you should feel but not what you actually feel
If your inner world was dismissed, minimized, or used against you growing up, it makes sense that it’s hard to trust your own signals now.
Self-trust isn’t just a mindset. It’s a body-level sense of:
“When something doesn’t feel right, I’m allowed to notice it, name it, and respond — and I will still be okay.”
When you didn’t consistently get that reflected back to you, your system learned to override it.
How EMDR Helps the Strong “I’m Fine” Ones
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a trauma therapy approach that helps your brain and nervous system finally process what they’ve been holding onto, so you’re not constantly pulled back into old reactions.
Instead of just talking about your past, EMDR helps you:
Work directly with the memories, emotions, body sensations, and beliefs that still feel stuck
Process old experiences of feeling unseen, blamed, ignored, or responsible for everyone else
Soften the intensity of triggers, especially around family and relationships
Update old beliefs like “I’m the problem,” “My needs don’t matter,” or “I have to hold everything together”
In simple terms:
We help your brain file these experiences where they belong — in the past — so your present-day self doesn’t have to keep reliving them.
What EMDR With Me Might Feel Like
If you work with me, we’re not just diving into the deep end on day one.
We’ll move at the pace of your nervous system, not at the pace of your guilt or perfectionism.
Together, we will:
Build enough safety and trust that your system isn’t bracing the whole time
Map out the themes in your story — big events and the “small” moments that still sting
Identify how these experiences show up in your body and your relationships now
Use EMDR and trauma-focused tools to process those stuck places gently and steadily
Our work is less about rehashing everything over and over, and more about:
Unburdening the younger parts of you who had to grow up too fast
Helping your body learn that you are safe now
Practicing what it feels like to notice, honor, and act from your own inner truth
What Starts to Change Over Time
People often notice shifts like:
Feeling more grounded before and after family interactions
Being able to say “no” or “that doesn’t work for me” without days of spiraling
Less pressure to fix, manage, or emotionally care-take everyone around them
More clarity about what they want, not just what’s expected of them
A quieter inner critic and more access to self-compassion
A deeper sense of, “I can trust myself to handle what comes.”
You don’t suddenly stop caring about your family.
You just stop abandoning yourself to keep the peace.
How to Know If This Kind of Work Is Right for You
This might be a good fit if you notice yourself thinking:
“I look put together, but my insides feel like a live wire.”
“I’m so tired of feeling 12 years old around my parents.”
“I know how I should feel, but I don’t know what I actually feel.”
“I want to stop replaying every interaction with my family.”
“I’m ready to stop just coping and actually feel different.”
And: you’re willing to be gently honest with yourself and take small, brave steps, even if they feel uncomfortable at first.
You don’t have to have the “right” words. You don’t have to have your story neatly organized. That’s what we’ll do together.
You’re Allowed to Be Strong and Supported
Being the strong one doesn’t have to mean doing all of this alone.
You’re allowed to:
Be confused and still seek help
Love your family and still name the harm
Miss people and still set boundaries
Be incredibly capable and still need support
Your nervous system has been working so hard for so long. It deserves a chance to rest, recalibrate, and learn what real safety and self-trust feel like.
Ready to Heal the Family Ache & Come Back to Yourself?
I’m a trauma-focused psychotherapist and EMDR provider based in Plymouth, MA, offering in-person sessions on the South Shore and online therapy across Massachusetts for high-functioning adults who became the strong “I’m fine” ones in their families.
If this all feels uncomfortably familiar and something in you quietly thinks, “This is me,” you’re not alone — and you’re not too much.
Next step:
Visit my Contact or Work With Me page
Reach out to schedule a consultation or first session
We’ll talk about what’s been weighing on you and see whether we’re a good fit
🌊 EMDR + trauma psychotherapy for the strong “I’m fine” ones who grew up too fast.
Heal the family ache. Rebuild self-trust. Come back to you.